Your Primary Job in Relationships is to Increase the Other Person’s Self Esteem

Photo by Cristina Gottardi on Unsplash

If you want to have a happy, healthy relationship, your primary objective should be making the other person feel good about themselves. This idea doesn’t only apply to romantic relationships, it also applies to platonic and professional relationships. 

The idea first came to me from a conversation I had with Laura Desimone on the Atila podcast:


Tomiwa (me): What is one thing you think everyone gets wrong about the education system?

Laura: The number one goal of teachers should be to teach students to love themselves. And that’s it.

Me: But… but… What about grades and getting into a good school or getting a good job???

Laura: That part will come. The only reason why people never reach their full potential is because there’s a part of themselves that they don’t love.

*5 seconds of silence as my mind has just been blown and I pick the pieces off the floor*

Me: *thinks* This sounds great in theory, but how do you actually implement that in practice? 

Laura: Well first you have to teach teachers to love themselves.

*Seconds after picking my scattered brain off the floor. It is promptly blown back up again*